Advent: U

UNDER-COOKED A general feeling that a time of feast and festivity is dominated by under-cooked turkey. The day could perhaps be enhanced by opting for something simple, like spaghetti and meatballs? As for under-cooked Christmas cake and pudding… who wants to cut the first tasty slice just to find gooey batter mix lurking in the … Continue reading

Advent: T

TROUBLE The trouble is, it’s not cold enough. The trouble is, Aunt Betty can’t come round til 2pm. The trouble is, it’s out of stock until Monday. The trouble is, it’s on the same time as Dr Who. The trouble is, I’ve had too much to drink now. The trouble is, the sprouts were ready … Continue reading

Advent: S

Solstice Have I said this before? My lasting memory of my ‘Ladybird’ Christmas book (circa approx 1972) was the first page image of some cave’people’ in a cave praising the sun, and a write up on the Winter Solstice. The rest of the book went on to Baby Jesus (who did have his own ‘Ladybird’ … Continue reading

Advent: R

RUBBISH (OR RE-CYCYLING) The bins are stuffed – wrapping paper, plastic packaging, tissue paper, envelopes, (even on the 6th January – cards), food wrappers, matches, crackers, jokes, hats, beer bottles, wine bottles, beer cans, fizzy drink bottles, brandy bottles, port bottles, tissues, napkins, loo-roll-centres, spent batteries, confetti stuff, crumbs, cold Brussels sprouts, turkey carcasses, sweet … Continue reading

Advent: Q

QUEUES “The queues don’t seem so long this year.” The lady in front of me at the main Post Office turned round, desperate for a chat. “No.” I said. I felt I would have to give in to this ‘fill up the time in the queue’ conversation. We were about fourteen people away from the … Continue reading

Advent: P

PARTY PLUS… Tonight, this evening, it will be Tunbridge Wells Writers Christmas Party. More dinner than party, but who knows what will happen once the dessert plates get tidied up. (Muses…. could I write more about plates than party?) Christmas parties are a bit like presents, they evolve each year as you get older, with … Continue reading

Advent: O

OVER FULL We are all completely overstuffed, overfull. It’s ridiculous. It started after the stocking opening at 6am, when we had some coffee and croissants in bed. There was the thought of a little snooze after the children returned to their rooms to play, but we remembered the turkey had to be in the oven … Continue reading

Advent: N

NEW TOP Here’s a ‘crackers’ one – every year, except the one when we stayed home and no-one came round, I’ve had a New Top for Christmas Day. Not at all sure where the idea came from or started, and NOT a Christmas jumper. Not knitted reindeers and santa, just a Posh Top. Gold, bit … Continue reading

Advent: M

I went to the MARKET to buy MINCE PIES and then I ran out of time to do anything else. This MONSTER MESS MEANS no turkey or parsnips, MARZIPAN or MULLED WINE.

Advent: L

THE LANDLORD 24th December 2014, Any Town Like Tunbridge Wells. Everyone is having so much fun. Queuing up at the bar, buying drinks, turning round, asking everyone else what they want “Another pint of bitter then”, staggering from bar to table with full glasses of alcohol, chatting, laughing, even singing. The landlord runs around, getting … Continue reading